All too often I want the practical next step. Something to do. The fix. The solution. I’m guessing because I’m achievement-drive and goal-oriented. I’m always chasing that elusive checkmark on my never-ending to-do list.

If you’re like me and want change, answers, and solutions quickly, it can be helpful to practice the pause. (Selah.) Heart transformation and healing at the soul level transcend the physical and natural. It goes beyond what you can accomplish on your own.

I try to use this space to encourage readers with the Bible as well as real life situations. Unfortunately, when life is hard, it’s easy to shrink back and not share. When life is lived in real-time and you don’t see the victory and the answers, it’s challenging to be transparent.

I didn’t post much in 2025, for a variety of reasons. One area is health. Each of my kids faced (or is still facing) a unique medical journey. It’s been difficult to navigate, especially with my two youngest.

It’s one thing when there’s a problem with my kids. I can wear my mama bear hat and advocate immediately.

It’s another thing when it’s my body that betrays me, my health that fails, my doctors that won’t listen. It’s not as easy for me to show up for myself, to advocate for my needs, to be seen and heard and understood.

At first I was angry. Impatient. Life, work, motherhood weren’t going to stop. I had to adjust and adapt. I had to get really honest with myself. Sometimes, healing is instantaneous. Sometimes, it’s a process and takes time. And sometimes, the healing is not seen this side of heaven.

One doctor said the changes I was facing were normal, and I was dismissed. The next set of doctors wanted to rule out more serious conditions (which were not easy procedures to endure). And the fourth doctor vetoed the previous treatment plans and was convinced major surgery was my only hope – just remove the problem altogether.

The issue I had was that every doctor was just looking at the symptoms. I was treated like an object, not a unique individual. Something was wrong with my body. I wanted it fixed, not bandaged. I wanted an answer, not a new set of symptoms.

They refused to look at my whole body. And there wasn’t a quick fix. I opted against surgery and more procedures and prescriptions (for now). After fourteen long months, it’s not back to normal, but there has been slow improvement. A little better each month.

It’s frustrating because the research is limited, the discussion is lacking, and the support remains inadequate.

Maybe it’s age, but based on symptoms I don’t think it’s perimenopause or menopause. I’m all for bringing these topics into the light, but I also think there’s a danger in grouping the unknown into one of those boxes.

Something wasn’t right. I went to different clinics and different doctors with different insurances and they all disagreed with each other. Each one said the other one was wrong. They’re the experts and can’t agree on a diagnosis or treatment plan.

I’ve learned my body keeps the score, and I believe some of this is wrapped up in the healing of my whole body. I’m grateful for the lessons of slowing down, of listening to myself, of believing in me. And I’m thankful that God knows; He created my body, He knows what’s going on, and He’s holding me in the palm of His hands.