I can’t remember the last time I cried so much in a week. And it’s only Wednesday. (Also, where did February go?)

I thought about skipping today’s post, but felt like I needed to check in and say hi.

Cue the music: “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me” (thank you, Taylor Swift).

But also, “like can you just not?” (Also Taylor.)

I’m tired of feeling like I’m the problem. Like everything that’s falling apart is my fault.

I’ve been navigating a few different issues lately. (My husband and kids have been extremely patient with me.)

It’s easy for my inner critic to sound the alarm and place all the blame on myself in the face of trials or conflict. I’ve recognized in the past month that I struggle with hyper-vigilance, I’m guessing from C-PTSD and years of learning to cope with problems I couldn’t solve. I live on edge, on high alert, always on the lookout, ready for fight or flight.

It goes beyond self-awareness.

And it’s exhausting.

I’m on a waitlist to begin the work again with my therapist. Because it’s ok to have Jesus and a therapist too. (There’s no shame or condemnation here.)

I’m not on social media that much, so when I see something especially inspiring, God gets all the glory. Kate Bowler posted on Instagram Monday and she said the very thing I needed to hear: “You are not the bad thing.”

And today, iuliastration posted a timely quote that spoke volumes: “You are not a problem to be fixed.”

So, hi, I’m actually not the problem, it’s not me.

I’m not claiming perfection; I’m human. And I refuse to believe the lie that I am a problem to solved. I am not a bad thing; I’m not trouble. I’m not a situation to be silenced.

I’m here. Learning. Growing. Listening. Crying. Trying. Failing. Moving forward. Singing. Running. Stumbling. Persevering. Writing. Encouraging.

Whatever you’re facing today, keep going. Don’t give up.

You are not the bad thing; you are not a problem.

You are worthy of love and protection and peace.