In recent months, I’ve been learning about awareness and putting it into practice. Where being fully present meets my emotions and feelings head on, where escape and numbing aren’t worth it anymore.

Awareness has become a precious companion on this journey. Part fruit, part gift. A result from the heart work that’s hard work, and a grace from a good God.

But the past few weeks have been tough. We’re still seeking help for our son with special needs. Another one of our kids requires additional medical attention. Loneliness settles in while depression and anxiety take turns throwing their arrows in my direction.

I’ve noticed a pattern of sleep becoming my escape, a temporary way to numb the pain and quiet the noise.

I am doing my best in this season to stay awake and aware. But I’ll be honest… asleep and numb are a tempting alternative.

“You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and You listen to their cry…” Psalm 10:17‬‬‬

Just a few moments in His word and His encouragement fills me up. He hears my desire, and He listens to my cry.

I stumbled upon this verse in Genesis 28:16 – “When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.’”

We have to be awake in order to be aware.

Sometimes we have to wake up our spirit (Ephesians 5:14) and awaken our soul (Psalm 57:8).

Numbing or escaping through food, entertainment, sleep, or any other activity or substance is not the solution. We must be awake to this life we’ve been given. And we must be aware of God and ourselves in the midst of it all.

Please hear me: sleep isn’t even evil. It is sweet (Proverbs 3:24) and peaceful (Psalm 4:8). And I strongly believe in getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night.

But I’m also aware of my new coping mechanism to ignore the stress and try to snooze through the pain.

And I know there’s a better way.

“We become free by transforming ourselves from unaware victims of the past into responsible individuals in the present, who are aware of our past and are thus able to live with it.” – Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child

❤️

Awake (Merriam-Webster.com)

1. to cease sleeping : to wake up
2. to become aroused or active again
3. to become conscious or aware of something

Aware (Merriam-Webster.com)

1. having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge
2. archaic : watchful, wary

For help being AWAKE:

• The Book of Waking Up by Seth Haines

For help being AWARE:

• Try Softer by Aundi Kolber