It’s time for a guest blog, and this one is written by one of my favorite people – my husband, Jon Wright!! Jon is an amazing man who exemplifies patience, humility, and wisdom. I especially love Jon’s heart for people, and how he longs to see people get to a place of health and wholeness. Get ready for some sports analogies and real-life experiences to help navigate pain and healing.

“When Will It Stop Hurting?” by Jon Wright

Years ago, I had a procedure done. Without going into too much detail, we’d just had our fourth baby, and we wanted to stop there. Leading up to it, I talked to some others who had had the same procedure done, and I was told it wasn’t a big deal. They said I should get it done on Friday, rest over the weekend, and I’d be fine by Monday. So that’s what I did. But I was far from fine by Monday. In fact, it was a couple weeks before I was feeling myself again. Despite medication and ice packs, the pain lingered much longer than I’d expected.

Life can be like that sometimes. Even though we all face similar trials, we all heal differently. There are times when we heal quickly. Sometimes the pain lasts a long time. Other times, it flares up at unexpected moments. Like when you hear a song that takes you back, or see a particular movie.

I remember a time when I pulled into a store parking lot, and as I searched for a spot, I saw a car I recognized. It belonged to someone who had hurt me, wronged me. All of a sudden a sense of panic came over me. I found a spot and parked with a clear view of the entrance. I sat in my car, stalling, hoping to see them exit so I could avoid the potentially awkward encounter. But they didn’t come. Finally, I resolved to get over it and go in for what I’d come for. In these moments, and the days that followed, I became more and more aware of the pieces of me that weren’t healed yet. My ordinary day was abruptly interrupted by a painful reminder of a past experience.

You can’t talk away the pain. I think we pretend we’re healed sometimes, even say that we’re healed, when in reality all we’ve done is suppress the pain. Professional athletes will sometimes get a shot of pain killer before a game. This is particularly prominent in football. They’re able to play in the game, but oftentimes the injury becomes worse. Or they develop a new one. They’re still using that pulled muscle, torn ligament, broken bone. I think we do this a lot. We find a way to numb the pain so that we can carry on with life, but we’re still using the part of us that’s broken. We’re putting unneeded pressure on something that might need more time to heal.

On the flip side, we can also take too much time to try and let something heal. It takes discernment and sober judgment, maybe even a trusted friend to nudge you, but we have to step out and walk in the healing. Growing up, I played Little League baseball for several years. When I was 10, I was at the last practice before our first game, and I was playing my favorite position: third base. I tagged a runner out at the bag, but he slid into my glove. I tried to tough it out, even staying in to catch a fly ball, but when it was my turn to hit, I couldn’t even get my hand around the bat. I went to the hospital, and was put in a cast for a few weeks. I remember getting my cast off, the doctors telling me it was healed, and yet, it didn’t feel right. I hadn’t used it in so long that it was awkward. I had to get used to using that thumb and hand again. Many times, there’s going to be an adjustment period, and it’s okay to ease back into something while you get used to using those ‘muscles’ again.

We’re going to get hurt in life. Guaranteed. It can be through a family member, a friend, a job, church, significant other, etc. If your heart gets broken, it’s okay to take some time to let it heal. Be intentional. You can’t rush healing! One of the debates that tends to come up is the faith vs. feelings one. “You have to live your life by faith and not feelings!” While I believe that this is true at face value, I don’t believe it’s that simple. We are absolutely called to live by faith, but that doesn’t invalidate our feelings. It’s alright to sit with your feelings, process the pain, and not always be okay.

I’ve heard people use the sports analogy “great players play hurt.” While that’s true, we need discernment to know when we’re too hurt to “play.” I want to preface this by saying that I believe 100% that God can heal us of our hurts. I’ve experienced it many times! Sometimes it’s in an instant, but I think most often, it’s a process. And a lot of times, we try to skip the process or try to speed it up. We must have the wisdom to say that we need to step into the healing process. It looks different in every circumstance, but here’s a general outline:

Triage – How bad are you hurt. This may require someone else – a counselor, pastor, trusted friend, or a family member. Don’t stay here! Too much time dwelling on the reasons we’re hurt perpetuates the pain.

Rest – We live in a fast-paced society, and it can be so hard to unplug. But sometimes it’s a very crucial part of the healing journey. Two important things to remember: don’t feel guilty for resting, and don’t settle in the resting. As I’ve overseen a number of volunteer teams, I’ve watched a lot of people step down from a position so they could rest, but then never step back in. Be intentional on the front end and say “I need this amount of time to rest and then I’ll work my way back in.” If you need to, you can adjust that amount of time, but there has to be a plan to move forward. Some helpful resources in this step are books, sermons, counseling, etc.

Something our family has really worked to focus on is Sabbath. Sabbath is a day of rest, a gift from God to help us establish a healthy rhythm in our lives. It’s looked different in different seasons for us. Sometimes we’ve been more intentional about it than others, but we haven’t thrown it out. And while it’s so great to have a day of rest each week, it’s so much more important that we capture the heart behind Sabbath. It’s to focus on God and give our souls rest, and as the Bible tells us, our souls find rest in God alone.

Rehabilitation – Sometimes you need to ease your way back in. Returning to the sports analogy (can you tell I really like sports?), if a player jumps back in at full speed right away, they can re-injure themselves. This step takes wisdom, discernment, and often some guidance from a trusted support person.

These are very practical examples, but I don’t want to overlook the most important part of the healing process. Lean into God! Pray, worship, and dive into His Word. Taking a break is great! Vacations are amazing! Counseling is incredible! Those are very helpful and important tools we have for healing and staying healthy. But the most important is God. Trust Him, embrace the process (however short or long), and pay attention to what He wants to teach you.

Sometimes, we don’t realize how hurt we really were until we’re on the other side. Sometimes, it’s not until we are set free that we fully realize the fullness of our bondage. Sometimes, the pain we experience in the season of healing is worse than the pain of the actual injury.

I’ll wrap up by sharing some testimony. I am currently walking this out in my life. My whole family is. There’s no need to get into details, but we were hurt by a situation. We had no idea what the future looked like. But here’s what we did. We went to counseling. We read books. We connected with some amazing friends and mentors who have walked this journey with us. There were many moments when it felt hopeless. I asked the question, “when will it stop hurting?” so many times. We’re not all the way through. There is still hurt. I still have to keep myself in check to make sure I don’t get bitter or jaded. But I’ve also seen God bring so much healing! It actually took me by surprise if I’m being honest. All I can do is thank God for His faithfulness!

I know that many of you are reading this and going through something painful. As I’m writing this, I’m praying for you! I pray that you lean into God. I pray that you embrace the process of healing. And I pray that you come out on the other side better, stronger, and wiser. God is faithful! His love never fails! Don’t let those phrases lose their power and become cliché.