This season has no end date, which is hard for me to wrap my head around. I know now that my kids will not be returning to school this year. Summer break indeed arrived early. I am forced to establish new rhythms rather abruptly; I had gotten used to my quiet, productive moments during the day when my kids were all in public school.

So I took some time last Saturday to cry. To mourn. To grieve. To name the emotions. To write out the facts and follow them up with truth. I felt the “dark night of the soul” and came out on the other side.

I’m alone. I’m frustrated. I’m overwhelmed. I’m stuck. I’m disappointed. I’m mad. I’m jealous. I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m empty. I’m bitter. I’m resentful.

Fact: I’m a stay-at-home-mom. I have four kids ranging in age from 6-15. My oldest has special needs. We are sheltering in place. Not leaving home. Stuck. It’s not fair. TRUTH: I am not alone. Even when I feel alone, God, my faithful Father in Heaven, is with me. Jesus is interceding on my behalf. Holy Spirit is filling me and flowing freely through me.

Fact: I had no warning. No time to prepare mentally for this season, to establish rhythms ahead of time – proactively. TRUTH: I am a victor, not a victim of my circumstances. In my weakness, He shows off His strength to His glory.

Fact: We are in survival mode. Some things are changing hourly, daily. These are unchartered waters. TRUTH: God is in control. He’s on the throne. He’s not surprised or caught off guard. He never sleeps or slumbers – He doesn’t miss a thing. He turns all things to good – we will see victory. We will taste and see; we will see His goodness in the land of the living. We will thrive in Him during this season. Matthew 11:28-30. Savor. Unhurried. Restful rhythms.

Fact: Empty-nesters, homeschool moms and parents of kids under 5 were better prepared for this. People who work from home or are able to (and don’t have kids) are better off. TRUTH: I was made for such a time as this. God has prepared good works in advance for me to do. In Him, I am enough and I have enough. I can follow His lead. (And “this” isn’t easy for anyone; we all have our own unique challenges and struggles; no one is immune from trouble.)

I sat in the silence, trying to get comfortable in the quiet. The words “stripping away” came to mind and I started singing a line from a worship song I haven’t sung in years – “When the music fades, and all is stripped away…”

God put Hebrews 12:1-3 on my heart, the inspiration for this blog and one of my life verses… “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

I kept thinking of the phrase “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.” I love it in The Message: “Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.”

We’ll have what we need in Him to run the race He’s marked out for us – including the appropriate running attire. We’ll run freer and lighter when we’re not weighed down by the things we were never meant to carry – the things that hinder and the sin that trips us up. We need this stripping away.

Then! I read a few chapters of a book that my husband bought it for me for Christmas. I’m not even sure how I heard about this book, but I had put it on one of my wish lists sometime last year. I started reading it last week and I cannot believe how timely it is for this season of isolation and this word about stripping away.

“… an invitation into wellness and wholeness—an invitation to name my sickness, to acknowledge it, and to begin the journey toward discovering my truest, most authentic self, the God-created self hidden beneath the false identity I’d clung to for so long.” – Michelle DeRusha, True You

COVID-19 can be a blessing in disguise, breaking up my routine and giving me the gifts of time and space. But stillness was one of those gifts I hadn’t realized I needed so badly. Michelle’s encouraging words reinforced its importance: “Our own souls will tell us where we are broken and in need of healing… this is why quiet stillness, silence, and solitude are so imperative. We need time, space, and stillness not only to observe what’s happening on the surface, but also to discern what these subtle signs can tell us about what’s going on deep within.”

We need the Holy Spirit and stillness to figure out what needs stripped away.

Later on I saw a quote on social media from Jennie Allen: “Have a good cry. It’s ok.” By this time I had already had my good (ugly) cry, but I appreciated the permission to do so. Sometimes we need to let down our guard and feel all the feelings.

Also, Annie F. Downs shared Acts 17:26-28 – “From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each of us. ‘For in Him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are His offspring.'”

I find great comfort in these words, especially after all of our moves, that God determined where and when we would live on the earth. His heart toward us is that we would seek Him and reach for Him – He is not far away. He is the giver of life and breath, and we are His children.

We have a divine opportunity in this season… to throw off every single thing that hinders us in our relationship with God… to throw off the sin that so easily entangles and tries to separate us from Him… to name our pain and receive healing… to throw off the world’s burdens and take on Jesus’ yoke that is light and easy… to fix our eyes on Jesus – free from distraction – the author and perfecter of our faith… to run with perseverance the marathon race that God Himself has marked out for us. It’s not a sprint – stay in your lane. Set your gaze on Him. Embrace the slow, the unhurried, the new rhythms of rest. Plunge to the depths of your soul and uncover your true identity. Endure hardship as discipline – we are His beloved children.

We’ve got time. We’ve got time to get untangled… unburdened… FREE. Where His Spirit is, there is freedom.

I had to begin to grieve the loss of the life I knew and had built, the rhythms and habits I had worked hard to establish. Things look different now, and it’s okay to be sad. I can work with Him to establish new rhythms. Watch Him. Learn from Him. Keep my gaze fixed. Seize this opportunity to disciple my kids, to train them up in the Way. There is grace – here, now – for this unexpected (to me) change.

It’s time to strip away what doesn’t belong. To remember Who we belong to. To remind ourselves that we are His beloved. And to be loved.

On Monday, I needed a physical reminder. Depression was fighting to occupy my heart and mind. Overwhelm was setting in. Lies and half-truths were trying to take root. I was so grateful I had stashed away a power word temp tattoo from Amma’s Umma for such a time as this. On a place I used to cut in order to feel the pain of the moment, I could see a beautiful word marking redemption and identity. I am His beloved daughter. He is with me.

You are His beloved. Be loved.

💕

Song suggestions for this week:

• Hosanna covered by Jon Wright!
• God’s Not Done With You by Tauren Wells
• Whisper by Bread & Wine

P.S. We would love to have you join us on Facebook Live tomorrow for Good Friday (7pm EST) and this Sunday morning for Easter (10am EST)! https://www.mylibertychurch.com