This guest blog is written by one of my dear mentors from Washington, Arlene Koski. God started knitting our hearts together shortly after I met Arlene. I quickly asked her to mentor me, knowing I was desperate for connections with people further along in their walk with the Lord. Her reply? “Yes, but only if you mentor me, too.” She’s humble, kind, and thoughtful. Her and her husband Rob are simply good people. She taught me so much in the 3 years I lived nearby. We got to lead women’s bible study small groups together and pray together. To this day, from across the country, she still encourages me and challenges me and prays for me. She always has a story or saying to share that relates to the topic at hand. She makes me smile. She has a child-like faith and she’s young at heart. Here are some of her thoughts!

“Tug of War” by Arlene Koski

I woke up this morning thinking “What does God owe me?”

Wow – that thought scared me! God owes me nothing – the Mighty Creator of the Universe gave me the opportunity to come to Him through His Son Jesus who sacrificed everything for that opportunity. I am humbled and grateful for that.

However, I have been concerned lately for where my mind goes as I listen to songs/sermons which really appeal to my flesh, lifting my status from servant of the Most High God to entitled child of the King. In my heart there seems to be a battle going on. I am a beloved child of the King, but what does that look like?

I go to the Word to see definitions of my position and find some discrepancies from the teachings I am hearing – I am to do justly, love mercy, walk humbly before my God / I am to be a servant / I am to consider others better than myself / I am to die to self / I am to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him.

I think I am beginning to get it – in my thoughts I have become the object, not God. It has become subtly all about me and what He has done and will do for me and how much He loves me – I see a pattern forming which my spirit testifies is not of Him but it has come about so slowly it went unnoticed.

In the Garden of Eden our enemy didn’t demand worship; he merely injected self-worship / self-reflection / self-desire – eyes on self instead of the Creator.

Rich Mullins wrote a song for his wedding called “Doubly Good to You”. When the wedding didn’t happen he gave the song to Amy Grant. He was asked if he felt sad for not even being singly blessed. His response led me on this journey – “God doesn’t owe me anything…”

One of my mottos has been: “Only floss the teeth you want to keep – Only surrender to God what you want Him to bless.” Blessed – that word translates to be made holy, consecrated. Another paradigm shift – I have always associated blessed with a showering of good things. Consecration involves a sacrifice of self for His will and purpose and… suffering is one of them because through suffering my faith is made sure. (James 1)

This world has mottos: I am worth it / I am deserving / I am loved / I am victorious / I am good.

Wow. Though some of these may be true they have created in me the feeling of entitlement which doesn’t fit in my walk with THE I AM.

It’s not about me; it’s all about Him. I need to get over myself and get on to fixing my eyes on Him alone.

Humility is not thinking less of myself – it’s thinking of myself less.

My heroes need to be Hebrews 11, not the wealth and fame this world has to offer. I have been called to a new life in Him. I am DEAD (Galatians 2:20). So why am I trying to resurrect the very flesh that wars against my spirit?

Praying we might fully comprehend and be alert to all the schemes of our enemy in this very loud world which tries to cloud His vision for us to live. (James 4:4)

https://youtu.be/y-b7TQMoZsM

❤