We got some not-so-great news on Sunday night. And a few more frustrating things happened on Monday. Little things, but they add up. So Monday night, the following unfolded. It’s a little raw, less polished than usual. More of a progression, if you will, from fear to faith, from doubt to hope, from shaken to standing firm. A breakthrough. All because of God and His amazing grace. I pray it encourages you and helps you when you’re feeling the weight of this world.

Another unexpected thing. A bump here. A hiccup there. I’m trying hard not to fear bad news or be shaken by it (Psalm 112:6-7). I’m trying hard to trust the One who’s really in control, who holds the whole world in His hands.

But it can be so hard sometimes.

I remember some inspiring P’s… Patience. Perspective. Process. Praise.

But the reality of my situation doesn’t change.

It’s still hard. It’s still a bummer.

I tried to catch up on my Bible reading plan this morning and found myself in Isaiah. The words still echo…

“So this is what the Lord, the one who delivered Abraham, says to the family of Jacob: ‘Jacob will no longer be ashamed; their faces will no longer show their embarrassment.’” – Isaiah 29:22

Wouldn’t that be nice? Not to feel the shame or embarrassment of plans that fall through…

“For this is what the master, the Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: ‘If you repented and patiently waited for me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength, but you are unwilling.’” – Isaiah 30:15

Oh Lord, let me be willing!

That my heart would be repentant and I would patiently wait on Him, for Him… that I would trust the timing of His deliverance. That I would calmly hope in Him and find strength in Him alone… that I would be found willing.

I have felt like His hand is against me, and I wrestle through it. Feeling like I keep falling flat on my face. Failing. Floundering. No after no.

I go to James 4:6 and 1 Peter 5:5, remembering that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” I feel opposed by Him, in circumstance after situation. I lay down by pride and try to humble myself. I find hope in 1 Peter 5:6-7.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

I throw all my worries and fears upon Him, because He loves me and cares about what I’m going through. Like no one else can. His understanding of my thoughts and feelings far exceeds anyone else’s.

Hope, like a seed in a dark place, begins to grow. Light, truth, begins to shine on it and make it grow.

God is for me. If God is for me, who can be against me?

I grab my Bible to look up that verse, only to spot a tiny spider crawling on it. A distraction for sure; an arrow of guilt because my sword has been sitting for far too long. But then I hold my shield of faith up, extinguish that arrow, kill the tiny spider, and receive the power of the Scripture…

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31

I look down and see a note card holding the page. (I have many note cards in my Bible, but this one is different.) I vaguely remember my dear friend Carlene giving it to me a few months ago, but I had tucked it away and forgotten about it.

“I listened to Matthew West’s song ‘Strong Enough’ this morning, I thought of you!”

Perfect timing. I listen to the song and I am in awe of God. One of the lines from the song says “Hands of mercy won’t you cover me”… It’s all coming together. I don’t have to be strong enough because HE is strong enough. When I get to rock bottom, might I respond differently… instead of eyes down, weighed down by shame – what if I looked up and reached out for Him?

His hands of mercy cover me. I can humble myself under His mighty hands and find grace upon grace. I might feel pressure there in that place, but He’s not coming against me. He is for me. The accuser, the father of lies, would love for me to believe that God is not for me, that He’s left me, that He’s done with me.

But the accuser has been silenced. He has no authority. He has no voice.

I open a recent text from my best friend in Washington:

“I know it is hard but you are not allowed to worry. God did not perfectly plan every step of this journey and leave out this one detail. Open hands. Faithful prayer. He will show you guys what to do. Or He will do it while you watch.”

I’m forced to reflect…

Am I relying on resources/money/provision more than Him?

Am I relying on health insurance or medicine for my son more than Him?

I humble myself and pray… I pray for the right family to buy our home. I pray for healing for my son’s body and mind.

And then I listen to a sermon from Sara Hagerty that my best friend also sent to me.

Once again, His perfect timing.

I think I had to wrestle through all of that, find those Scriptures and that song, to prepare my heart for Sara’s words.

I think when we’re hungry, we’re humble. We’re willing, we’re open.

Even the hard things can be good, because they give us the chance to fix our eyes on the One who truly matters.

Sara talks about the weak reach, the desperate reach – from the stuck or unseen places.

I am feeling stuck and unseen, but I can lean into the One who sees me. The One who strengthens me when I’m weak, when I’m humble.

He reminds me of who I am… His daughter. His beloved.

I cry. A lot. It’s been a while since I had a good cry with the Lord. I let go of the stress and the struggle. I receive His love and let it wash away the pain and frustration that comes with this life.

I welcome the breakthrough, and I am grateful for His perfect timing. How He pulls it all together. My circumstances may not have changed, but my eyes are fixed on Him. My situation may be the same, but my heart is steadfast in Him. My problems may still be present, but my soul is at rest – all because of Him. 

PS Sara Hagerty’s new book, Unseen, comes out next week! I can’t wait to read it… pre-order your copy today!

PPS As I was preparing to post this blog, this song was on my heart to share… “Take Courage” by Bethel Music, covered by my favorite guy!