If you look through my journals over the past year or two, the adjective used the most is likely “weary”. It’s my go-to word when I do a check-in with my body and my feelings, my automatic response when I put pen to paper to describe where I’m at. 

Merriam-Webster.com (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/weary) defines weary as “exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness; expressing or characteristic of weariness; having one’s patience, tolerance, or pleasure exhausted.”

It probably has something to do with trying to balance a full-time job and being a good wife and motherhood and advocacy and keeping a clean house and adopting a cat and healing from past trauma and the list goes on.

I’m exhausted.

I am thankful for my home church, Rhythm Church. I hope to visit in-person again soon, but for now, I join online every Sunday. This past Sunday, Pastor Jeff spoke about Stephen and the “Making of a Martyr”. There were so many amazing points, but at the end, he said to choose one to focus on this week. Immediately, I chose “rely”.

I realized very quickly that I need to rely on the Holy Spirit more. Walk with Him daily. Stop working in my own strength – that’s why I am perpetually weary.

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25 ESV).

The word for “let us keep in step” (or “let us walk/follow” in other translations) is stoicheō. On BlueLetterBible.org, it means “to march in (military) rank (keep step), i.e. (figuratively) to conform to virtue and piety; to walk… in the steps of one, i.e. follow his example, to direct one’s life, to live; if the Holy Spirit animates us, let us exhibit that control of the Spirit in our life.” 

Am I keeping up, or am I distracted by the things of this world? Am I letting God direct my steps, or am I marching to the beat of my own drum? Am I following Jesus’s example, or am I living for myself?

There are so many unknowns right now. So many decisions to make. So many things to accomplish. So many details to stress over.

There’s a level of peace that comes when I remember that I don’t have to have it all together. I don’t have to decide every single thing in this very moment. I don’t have to carry this heavy burden on my own. I’m not alone in what I’m facing.  

The Holy Spirit is trustworthy – worthy of trust. I can trust where He’s leading and follow His example. 

He’s reliable – able to be relied upon. I can rely on Him and His strength, even in my weakness and exhaustion.

💗