I wrote this in February, but decided not to post it (until now, with minor edits). These words carried me through a dark season, in unseen places and incredibly hard times. God can turn ashes into beauty; He can bestow beauty where the enemy left ashes. But even among the ashes, beauty can be found in God’s presence and comfort.

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, and I couldn’t help but reflect on all the ashes I’ve been surrounded by.

The ashes of crushed expectations, broken hearts, ruined friendships, and destroyed plans.

We mourn in the ashes – the reminders of what was.

Fresno means “ash tree”, and when we visited here in May 2021, Jon unknowingly had a song in his worship set about ashes.

“By Your spirit I will rise from the ashes of defeat. The resurrected King, is resurrecting me. In Your name I come alive To declare Your victory. The resurrected King, is resurrecting me…” – Resurrecting, Elevation Worship

Coming from a life-shattering breakup with a church on the East Coast, we felt this move to California was one of redemption and restoration. It seemed like we were rising up from the ashes of defeat. Victorious, with renewed purpose. Beauty from ashes.

And it was, for a season. Until it wasn’t.

But even in the midst of these familiar ashes, there’s something different here.

In one place, we were silenced.

In the other, we will use our voice.

We long for accountability, justice, and change. Our heart is to help the long line of victims who have been silenced and rejected.

We won’t just pray for people who have been hurt by the church. We will sit with them in their ashes. We will advocate for their stories. We will provide space and time to heal.

We will treat others how we wish we had been treated. And we will continue to love and support the local church. And we will do our best to make sure it’s a safe and healthy environment for our family.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. Strangers will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. And you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. “For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”” – Isaiah 61:1-9

“You turn mourning to dancing, You give beauty for ashes, You turn shame into glory, You’re the only one who can. You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies, You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can.” – Graves Into Gardens, Elevation Worship

God, You’re the only One who can.