Sometimes this season feels like swimming underwater, holding my breath, just trying not to drown. There are these beautiful moments of seeing the sun and breathing deep, but then the weight of the world pushes me back under.

Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster of emotions, like a continuous a tidal wave of grief with the occasional pause of peace. Selah

I’ve had to keep my hands busy, because when I stop long enough to process the pain, it becomes almost unbearable.

This past Sunday, before church, I found a quiet moment to be in God’s Word. It’s been a while since I read my leather-bound Bible, as my phone is more readily accessible. But there’s something special about flipping through the pages and seeing where it lands.

After some encouragement from the Old Testament, including the book of Daniel, I landed on Luke 18:1-8.

“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: ‘In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, “Grant me justice against my adversary.” For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, “Even though I don’t fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!”‘ And the Lord said, ‘Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” – Luke 18:1-8 (NIV)

I camped out with this passage for quite some time, digging into the Greek definitions and processing what was before me.

“Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart…” vs. 1 (NASB)

The Greek word for “to show that at all times” is pantote; it means “every when, i.e. at all times; always, ever.” The word for “pray” here is proseuchomai, meaning “to pray to God, i.e. supplicate, worship; to offer prayers.” Finally, the word for “to lose heart” is ekkakeō; it means “to be (bad or) weak, i.e. (by implication) to fail (in heart); to be weary in anything, or to lose courage, flag, faint.”

For every when… for every experience, for every feeling, for every moment, at all times, in every season, always and forever… may we pray, pour out our hearts to the Father, worship Him, eyes fixed, asking earnestly and humbly… and may we not grow weary in doing good, in fighting the good fight, in holding fast to Him, trusting Him to do what only He can do.

“Give me legal protection (do me justice) against my opponent.” – vs. 3 (NASB)

The Greek word for “give… legal protection” is ekdikeō, meaning “to vindicate, retaliate, punish; to protect, defend, one person from another.” “Opponent” in the Greek is antidikos; it means “an opponent (in a lawsuit); specially, Satan (as the archenemy) – adversary.”

God, give me justice against my adversary, the thief who only comes to steal, kill and destroy. The one who is set on tearing my family apart, to lying about us and ruining us. Vindicate, protect, defend!

“Now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry out to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring justice for them quickly.” – vs. 7-8a (NASB)

“Justice” in the Greek is ekdikēsis, meaning “vindication, retribution; to vindicate one from wrongs, accomplish the avenging of. The Greek word for elect here is eklektos; it means “select; by implication, favorite; chosen by God, and to obtain salvation through Christ, hence, Christians are called the chosen or elect of God.” The phrase “who cry” is boaō, meaning “to halloo, i.e. shout (for help or in a tumultuous way), to cry aloud, shout; (Latin: boo) to cry to one for help, implore his aid.” One of my favorites is makrothymeō, for “will he delay long” – “to be long-spirited, i.e. (objectively) forbearing or (subjectively) patient; to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart, hence, to be patient in bearing the offences and injuries of others; to be mild and slow in avenging; to be long-suffering, slow to anger, slow to punish… even though he is long-suffering, indulgent, to them, the preceding parable certainly demands the notion of slowness on God’s part in avenging the right… the denial of actual delay is not inconsistent with the assumption of apparent delay.” And “quickly”, en tachos, means “a brief space (of time), i.e. in haste, speedily, soon.”

There’s so much to unpack in these two verses… but I want to emphasize the call to cry out to Him for help, to implore His aid, day and night, to pray without ceasing, to worship without pause… to remember His faithfulness and His long-suffering, His kindness that leads us to repentance, and His patience with us as he gently tends to our offenses and injuries. Sometimes it seems like the struggle and overwhelm are never going to end, and we question if we will see His goodness this side of Heaven.

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:8-9

He is so incredibly patient with us. God is not slow in keeping His promises. He’s perfect, and His timing is perfect. His invitation is to remain in His love. Waiting isn’t easy, but let’s not get so consumed with justice that we miss the heart of the Father. His plan will prevail; love wins. And even if He doesn’t rescue us at this moment, in the way we think it should happen, we aren’t going to bow to the enemy. We aren’t going to sacrifice truth for ease. God is just; He sees and hears and knows, and He cares. He doesn’t fall off of His throne; He doesn’t miss a thing.

“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong (in your connection to God), do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance; with divine retribution He will come to save you (make you safe and free)’… and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” – Isaiah 35:3-4, 10

I want to leave you with this song that has been on repeat in my home lately; I pray it helps you on your journey! Keep My Eyes Up by Ryan Ellis (I love a good Housefires version!)