This week’s title is the opening line to a well-known song, “The Sound of Silence.” Maybe you enjoy the version by Simon & Garfunkel, or maybe Disturbed’s cover is more your style. As a mom to 4, I’m most familiar with the Trolls version. (Cue the whole soundtrack.)

Maybe it’s the seasons changing or maybe it’s the season I’m in, but I’ve been feeling some heaviness and darkness lately. I’ve been needing some time and space to process my life as a whole, and instead I’ve felt pressure. From being stretched in multiple directions. From trying to keep everyone happy and on track. From attempting to keep up with the normal load that is my life, while this emotional baggage lurks in the shadows, staring me down, requiring my attention.

The darkness has been taking its toll. It refuses to be compartmentalized. It’s demanding a seat at my table.

“From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor— darkness is my closest friend.” – Psalm‬ ‭88:15-18‬

I recently studied this Psalm and that last line stopped me in my tracks. “Darkness is my closest friend.” Maybe in part because I start singing the song from Trolls. And maybe in part because some moments, some days, I feel it in the depths of my soul.

“Hello darkness, my old friend.” Oh hey, former companion that stayed close through my teen years. My escape, my coping mechanism, my excuse.

Thankfully over the years I’ve learned to not stay in the darkness too long. Not alone, anyway.

But now I’m wondering if the lesson was learned through avoidance rather than through the processing of my pain and trauma.

As I’ve been wrestling this week (let’s be honest, this month), God reminded me of some encouraging verses, some rays of hope to shed light on my situation.

“… even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” – Psalm 139:12

“The Lord is God, and He has made His light shine upon us…” – Psalm 118:27

Darkness isn’t dark to God; it’s like light to Him. And God makes His light shine upon us.

Even when it seems like I’m surrounded by darkness or trouble or struggle, I can fix my eyes on the One who is Light and Love and Holy. I can choose to walk with Him in the light, to receive His light, and to remember that not all darkness is created equal.

Some darkness is evil, yes. But some darkness is shadow, shadows created by His light shining on certain spaces and places.

And some darkness is even God’s shadow, His protection.

(For more on this, check out Shadows & Shadows Part 2… “Don’t mistake this darkness for something other than His shadow. It’s not separation. You are under His wings.”)

Just today, God has brought some answers and next steps. After a month of holding my breath (while actively seeking and planning and making phone calls), I can see a light at the end of this long tunnel. And I have strength again to keep moving forward.

I am eager for the lessons to be learned from this old friend darkness, in the presence of my good friend Jesus – Faithful and True, the Light of the world.