This guest blog is beautifully written by Jean-Ashley Bell. I met her years ago through our church in Marysville, Washington; thankfully we’ve stayed in touch over the years. Jean-Ashley is one of those people that speaks with wisdom and grace; when she talks, you listen. Every word is carefully chosen, on purpose, to build up and support others. She’s a daughter of God, an amazing wife, and an incredible mother to 5 precious souls. I pray that her words strengthen and encourage you to draw near to the Father.

❤

“Returning to Him”

by Jean-Ashley Bell

Honestly, I’m tired. I feel weak, vulnerable, exposed, & oh so hormonal my emotions are confused! I’m sure as I creep into my 36th week of pregnancy with our 5th love child all the prior has absolutely nothing to do with any of it (#insertsarcasmhere).

Can I be completely honest? I’m struggling to put words to paper even now as I’m typing. Yep. Honesty 101 course in progress as I type. I’m putting into practice “returning to Him,” because I can’t do anything outside of His agenda, His plan, or His will. Where do I begin? What does it really mean? What does returning to Him look like? How is it applied in the every day, day to day, mundane & ordinary living? I type and share my heart with you to find the beauty of His face in the middle of my “now,” which seems pretty messy and vulnerable…

… I look down at my bare, extended belly. I “Return to Him,” and I see the beauty of His face.

… I feel & see my Eden (baby girl) within my belly reveal to me the evidence & proof of her developing existence. I “Return to Him,” and I see the beauty of His face.

… I observe my breath extend & descend my abdomen. I “Return to Him,” and I see the beauty of His face.

… I glance over at my beloved man human (husband) as he sleeps, and my heart floods with how our union glorifies His name. I “Return to Him,” and I see the beauty of His face…

Even now, the atmosphere of my morning lit bedroom is changing, my heart is overflowing, & His LOVE is ENOUGH for me. His Presence permeates my heart and room from seeking the beauty of His face in “RETURNING to Him.” To fix my eyes on Him requires some intentionality. To feast on His love demands taking a seat at His table.

As soon as weariness and restlessness begin to sink into my bones and the fog begins to set in, I seek to find Him in the small and simple. I exhaust myself sometimes in mere thought that has the potential to spin this recovering performance-based, perfectionist daughter down a path of striving & angst. (DEEP SIGH.) Then I REMEMBER,

“In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confident trust is your strength…” – Isaiah 30:15‬ ‭(AMP‬‬)

I breathe in those words of LIFE… so simple, yet so deep and profound.

I like to know the plan; the way God has set out before me. Learning to embrace the unknown; the mystery of His plan, makes me stand in awe, but also keeps me in a steady tension to trust more & more deeply. This steady place of tension keeps me continually “returning to Him” over and over again. I live ‘knowing’ He will direct me step by step, however ‘believing’ He will direct me step by step is sometimes where my faith is tried, and my trust is challenged. I acknowledge fear and anxiety are becoming less in my walk with Him, yet it continues to be a persistent battle to ‘remain’ secure in His love that dissipates all fear and calms all anxiety. Each time I’m gripped by these swift and oppressive bullies, my “belief” system is humbly exposed into the light. My behavior yields symptoms of angst, irritation, insecurity, and unbelief revealing the toxic root and mind set that so often keeps my heart from believing He is who He says He is & will do what He says He will do. Oh to fully cling to the art of surrendering all of me so all of Him can fully engage & display Himself in such beauty & splendor!

I’m finding as I grow and mature in my walk and relationship with a very kind and loving Father, He always reveals “simple” strategies to apply daily that reconnect me to Him, and keep me in perfect peace. “Returning to Him” is one of those key strategies.

Our Father desires to deeply root His children in a confidence that anchors us in strength. In choosing to ‘return to Him’ are the moments we run as children into our Father’s arms with full confidence and assurance that our safety, provision, & true identity are forever secured in His infinite love and endless ocean of grace. Returning to Him instantly quiets us with His majestic wonder to remember and hear His whisper of love over us. It’s those same moments He brings a stillness to our minds where nothing else competes with His beauty and glory. All else easily fades away. (Selah. Pause in the wonder of His breath being our heartbeat.) Sometimes just breathing is the only ounce of faith or trust in hand to acknowledge His magnificent goodness & faithfulness.

Returning to God sounds so beautiful & simple, but it obviously wasn’t easy for the Israelites. In Isaiah 30:15, God was longing to rescue His children by bringing them into a place of rest and promise, yet they were unwilling to return to Him. I must confess, it’s not easy for me either. I have been unwilling to return to Him more times than I’d like to admit.

“Returning to Him” is a practice of cultivating gratitude & finding the beauty of His face in EVERYTHING. It is an intentional letting go of my own agenda and plan to truly put into action, “trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.”

“Returning to Him” is a kind of TRUST that invites God Himself to reveal His nearness to us, to magnify His beauty out of the ordinary; to find Him in the unseen, small, and mundane. It’s such a pure act of obedience that’s marked with simplicity, but is never easy.

“It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” ‭‭- Proverbs‬ ‭25:2‬ ‭

It is the king’s glory (our honor) to search out a thing or matter, yet with that searching comes diligence to discover such treasures & hidden mysteries concealed by our Father. It’s not that He’s wanting to make it difficult or is desiring to tease us, but He knows what will draw us into deeper intimacy with Him. Profound richness, gratitude, & sustainable joy are birthed from gifts concealed only to be found through the journey of love, trust, & faith.

As we “return to Him,” awareness of trusting His ways and thoughts are always higher, and every word He speaks & sends out over our lives will never return to Him unaccomplished, unfinished, or void (Isaiah 55:9, 11). His ways and plans are ALWAYS better even though the better isn’t always seen.

“Trust in and rely confidently on the LORD with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].” – Proverbs 3:5-6‬ ‭(AMP‬‬)

“Returning to Him” defines Proverbs 3:5-6 so beautifully. Trust is the glue keeping our hearts mended to His, surpassing all our understanding. As soon as we acknowledge & recognize the beauty of His face all is well again.

His LOVE is ENOUGH. His LOVE is the PURE, CONSTANT, & SOLID foundation of our FAITH. His LOVE makes us brave again and again. In His Presence we know where we stand; we remember who we are in Him and to Him.

As we continue to grow in “‘RETURNING’ to Him,” we will create a habitual & resounding “YES” that ripples through eternity. Our “YES” to Him is closely connected to a cost that comes with true intimacy. It’s worth it and He is always worthy. Cultivating rich intimacy with Jesus launches us into an authentic obedience overflowing from a heart of sincerity & purity that whole-heartedly TRUST HIM. It positions us to REMEMBER His promises are always yes and amen. It secures our posture to REMAIN (ABIDE) in Him. It keeps us in perfect peace & brings REST deep within our soul.

As soon as anything opposes His love or the Fruit of the Spirit from manifesting into greater maturity within me, I intentionally realign and position my thoughts and heart to “Return to Him.”

I encourage you to surrender your “now” however that may look, feel, or seem, and receive the Lord’s invitation, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confident trust is your strength” and cling to it. Cling to it with a willingness that will forever keep you in perfect peace, because you trust in Him. He will not disappoint when we choose to “Return to Him.”

How do we “Return to Him?” Here’s what positions me to abandon all my idols…

     • Acknowledge Him.

Acknowledging Him creates a trust to know He’s near and present regardless of feeling or emotions. It’s finding Him in every detail. As I gaze upon my almost 36 week old belly, I acknowledge the handiwork of His hands that are knitting my Eden piece by piece. When I’m irritable and worn from what seems like the thousandth house chore, I acknowledge He’s close to me in the mundane, and He sees me.

     • Gratitude.

Cultivating gratitude does NOT come natural for me. Many times I don’t “feel” grateful, but I declare that I am, and trust God to catch my heart up. Listing and speaking out what I’m thankful for instantly shifts my mind from myself to Him. “Thank you Father for being so patient and kind with me.” “Thank you Father for sending the Holy Spirit to guide me into all truth.” “Thank you Jesus for being such a loyal and honest friend.”

     • Worship.

Worship comes in so many different forms, but the form I’m suggesting here is creating an incense of praise through voice and song. There’s a time for silence and solitude, but there’s also a time to sing the song within our hearts. Praise tills the fertile soil of our hearts making room for Him to flood us with Himself.

• See Your Face by Housefires
• You’re Beautiful by Phil Wickham
• Be With Me by Bryan and Katie Torwalt
• Endless Alleluia by Amanda Cooke